boobulla

mood: happy

Ooo Ooo! That’s me! I’m single. Actually today is rather special in an odd kinda way lol… Today marks a whole year of being single. It was really easy too, days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months until the months made a year. Now not a lot of people would be happy at being single for a year but I am, it means I have dodged some very strange people on the dating scene, not to say I haven’t met and dated a few of these. There have been 6 main guys I have dated over the last 12 months, one was a flake, two were boring, one was a twat, and two were too clingy and needy. Some lasting only a few weeks while others stretched into a month or two… On top of that there have been countless chat up lines, random snogs, fondling and fumbles. Lots of fun! It has had its ups and downs but I would like to think it’s been more up than down. I could have quite have easily chosen someone to be my boyfriend, and I am sorry if that sounds too big headed of me but 4 of the guys I was seeing asked to be my boyfriend, but I want someone I am totally excited about, not someone I have luke warm feelings for (or none at all in some cases, sorry). If that means I am single for a while longer then I don’t care. Not settling. I just haven’t met him yet. (We will however skirt over the issue of what if I have already met them and let them get away etc as we are being positive today lol)

However, at the same time as wanting to fall head over heels in love with someone I am slightly scared… Terrified actually of getting hurt again. It’s horrible as everyone knows. I guess I am a little confused as I like being able to come and go as I please and I like dating, especially for the first few months as its just fun, no commitment and best behaviour thing. I also see couples arguing and the stresses people have with their partners and think seriously what is all the fuss? However, on the other hand you have all that good couple stuff, someone to do things with, sex on tap and cuddles and someone to talk to, even if it is just a bunch of crap. I hate being able to see both sides of the argument, it makes it hard to make a firm decision quickly!

In all seriousness I guess I will know the guy for me when I meet him. Just hope he is romantic and sweet. Yum!

The weekend was yet another busy one. Friday was date night. It was ok. Not brilliant. Not really wanting to elaborate on this just yet as I am a little undecided on what is going to happen here… I… just… yeah… Move on? Ok

The rest of the weekend was spent at my parents and spending time with my sister and nieces. I spent Saturday making masks with the kids and the evening having a drink with my sister and Sunday at Fright Night with them. It was good but a little but busy for them. Even though there were rides for the kids they are a little too young as it was so busy and some of the things scared them a little. But they got their faces painted and their picture taken with storm troopers and Darth Vader even though they have no idea who they are at the moment. It was fun. I did however get stung for a fiver per helium balloon! Worth the smile it put on their faces. Both of them fell asleep on the way home, how cute. I wasn’t far behind them to be honest. I was in bed as soon as I got home.

I love being able to do this kind of stuff with the kids. We went bowling and to the coast not so long ago. Hopefully going to the cinema soon and maybe to another show like a panto before the end of the year.

Here’s to the next year of fun, whatever it may bring.

mood: happy

This weekend was fantastic. So much better than last weekend. Last weekend I broke up with the guy I was seeing. It was awful. I wasn’t in love with him or anything but I am pretty sure he had fallen for me. I was so dreading it, I didn’t want to hurt him but it wasn’t going anywhere for me. I felt so guilty for breaking if off. I don’t think many people knew I was even seeing anyone really, I’d kept it quite quiet. I’m actually really scared to fall for anyone again. It really does hurt quite a bit when things don’t work out who you expect. I don’t like admitting it but there it is… 

The fun I had this weekend however more than made up for it. My sister and I took the kids to the coast. I wanted to go somewhere relatively quiet and wouldn’t take too long to drive to as its really not all that fun for the kids to be stuck in the car too long. We ended up in Filey. It’s so pretty. We had so much fun. I even stayed over at my sisters Friday and Saturday night. Only downside there is only two bedrooms and I was stuck with the sofa which isn’t exactly the comfiest of sofas, but it didn’t really bother me, I had a blast, and it was great to spend a whole weekend with them. I never realise just how much I miss them until I see them. I don’t know if that makes sense but I get a weird feeling in my stomach like I’m missing out on their lives and I so wanna be a part of their lives as much as possible, and I’m going to be. Me and my sister have already said we have to do something again soon which would be wonderful!

Going home wasn’t fun. I don’t like leaving anywhere that I have had such a great time, and coming home to an empty house wasn’t exactly appealing. I got home with a smile on my face though, came in and started getting my stuff ready for work in the morning and just chilling out. I won’t lie, I’m looking forward to my own bed after two nights on a sofa. I miss my family, more than I care to admit. I wonder sometimes if I made the right choices in life. I know I am not that far away but sometimes it feels like a million miles. I am happy, I have a good life, but sometimes I wonder where my choices would have taken me if done differently.

Need to mention one more thing, need to get it off my chest. I saw some pictures James posted today. It was him and his girlfriend. It made my stomach go… like when you go over a hill. But only for a second, and then I wanted to have a nosey at where they had been… They went to a National Trust place and I was curious to see if I had been there… I wasn’t curious what they were up to I was more interested to see if I had been there lol… And I had! I recognised it and was like OMG I went there a few months ago… cool! That’s it… Was funny.

Now my bed is really calling, and the best thing about it is, I get to sleep in the middle and have the covers all to myself… Mwha ha ha!!!

mood: contemplative

Ok… I have decided to change the record. Let’s face it, moaning doesn’t really suit me does it?

Nothing very interesting has happened to me today. Work, seeing a very angry man on the phone and then throwing said phone at a wall which promptly smashed lol 

So, instead I thought I would share something deeply personal and that has been playing on my mind for a few months now. I’ve been contemplating getting in touch with my biological Dad. I’ve not seen him for a good few years, since I was 15/16 actually and wonder what he’s up to sometimes and I wonder if he thinks about me? I wonder if he has remarried and if he any more kids, I could have more brothers and sisters and not even know it. Thing is, I have no idea where he is and I wouldn’t really know how to go about even contacting him. Plus there is the whole issue of do I really want to open that can of worms again and let him back into my life, after all he wasn’t that bothered about walking out. What's more, what if he doesn’t want to know me? What if I get rejected all over again… Not sure how I would handle that to be honest. I have a plan though, if I do decide to try and get in touch. I have been down to the cemetery with my mum a few times in the last couple of months and visited my Grandma’s grave (on my dad’s side) and noticed that I am not the only one leaving flowers. It must be him as there is no other family. My mum gave me the idea that I could write a letter and stick it to the headstone for him (I’m sure my Grandma won’t mind), made waterproof somehow as our weather is not favourable to paper. I kinda want to. I am 80% sure. What would I write though? I think the first thing I would say is that I am now an accountant and have qualifications and a good job so he doesn’t think I am after money… I remember he was always concerned about money even though by all counts he had a good job and always argued about it with mum when she asked for maintenance. Lets face it, it’s not the best memory of him but its pretty much the only one I have… apart from the time he threw my ice cream to the floor and dragged me to the car after he had a huge argument with his girlfriend at the time and argued with her all the way home, that was kinda scary at the time. Um… this is probably why its taken a while to think about if I want to get in touch with him as I don’t have any good memories of him… Maybe a little more thought is in order. Then again, is it all just water under the bridge? Do I take a chance and find out who he is rather than listening to everyone else’s recollections of him? I’m undecided, it could turn out to be a lot of effort and hurt for nothing. Maybe draft a letter… it doesn’t mean I have to send it.

mood: contemplative

I am the first to admit that I’m not perfect (it’s a shock I know, and I have shattered many people’s belief systems by saying it). However, it’s not often I loose myself in a downward spiral mood wise, well not in public, that’s what my blog is for (or at least I don’t think I do… I know it’s more likely when I am drunk though). However, recently I have had some very violent mood swings and felt like I have been hanging on to my last shreds of sanity and positivity by my finger tips over a black hole of nothingness. It’s not one thing; it’s all the stuff I have been going on about that has bugged me for the last few weeks. You’d think your friends would be there for you and notice when the smile has been wiped from your face, you know… to pick you up (like when I do for them) and in all honesty most are but there are the odd few that would like to see you tip over the edge just to see how you’d cope. Like an experiment I guess. It was a case of the last straw breaking the camels back and I got drunk and ranted about the last thing that pissed me off… Not the most productive I will admit but at least I don’t bottle things up. It eats away at me if I do, it’s not healthy! And in my defense everyone vents at some point! I can’t be positive all the time, it’s impossible and exhausting, especially when there are negative forces working against you, but I still try. Hope for the best. There are very few things in life that wipe the smile off my face. But when they do it takes a few days to come back. I am a person of extremes. No middle ground. Usually after a few days I am fine and I bounce back. Different people find different things hard to cope and deal with. You might deal with it in a good way, you might deal with it in a bad way… Either way you deal, the best way you can. Some like to live alone, others crave company, I think (I know) I am the craves company type. I feel that time alone unless studying or working etc or sleeping, is time wasted. I’m probably not making much sense, but I have never let that bother me before. I think I will leave it at that as I don’t think I can explain it any better. I’ve explained it to satisfy myself and let’s face it I’m the important person here.

I had another violent mood swing today and went from being really happy to being down to being happy again. It’s not fun. The worse thing is I don’t know why… I was only going shopping to Asda and I was tempted to get onto the Parkway and just drive… Disappear somewhere. Didn’t though, got my bread etc… Boring boring but cheered myself up with a MacDonalds… Not because of the food but because of the free PINK glass I got! Yeay! It helped, also seeing people and role playing a new game too. See… very bad mood swings, for no apparent reason.

Today has been a funny day… But has ended on a high surprisingly. Funny how things turn out eh?

mood: lonely

Seems ages since I have wrote a proper blog. To be honest I haven’t really had the time. I have been really busy with my new job. I have been there two weeks now and it’s going really well. There is still so much to learn and it’s going to be lots of hard work but I am enjoying the work and the people are really nice. Also I have been busy socially. There’s been a wedding, which I really enjoyed, hanging out with friends as usual which is always fun and dating a new guy. So all in all I haven’t had much time for me and just chilling out and relaxing which is when I generally tend to write and organise my thoughts.

Karl’s wedding was beautiful! The day just all seemed so perfect and lovely. My dress was AMAZING and everyone looked so nice in their posh togs. It’s a good job it was so nice though as it took us 6 and a half hours to get down there and it was so hot! It’s a good job we are all such good mates as it was a bit cosy in the back. Us northerners rocked the wedding though. I think apart from the bride and groom we had the most fun and we were defiantly the fun table at both the wedding breakfast and evening disco. There was far too much booze drank and we were a little worse for wear in the morning. Especially Duncan bless. He was quite ill for a few days afterwards and told me he was “broken”. He got over it though and it’s all fine now.

I have to admit though, I missed James, a lot. The last wedding I was at was my mum’s and I was with James then and I just missed him on the day and missed what we use to have. It was very hard during certain elements of the day to be there alone and single. It must have been hard for El to be there without her boyfriend, I don’t think I would have liked that. I think me and Duncan may have been the only single people there, we felt a little like leppers but we danced together for some of the slow songs so it was ok. I’m such a soppy sod though… I had tears in my eyes when they were saying their vows and during Karl’s speech as he was so sincere and talking about sole mates. Which again made me feel lonely. Dan and his girlfriend weren’t helping much, being all over each other. I guess I can’t blame them really, I’d have been the same if I had a boyfriend. At least my breasts were strapped in! Her’s were on the verge of escaping any minute! She also brought up the fact that me and Dan used to be engaged etc and it was not a conversation I wanted to have with her. It was a case of rub it in a little why not! Apart from that it was a fantastic weekend. I had so much fun and my dress was totally worth the money… I looked great, and even Dan complimented me on how lovely I looked. 

This weekend compromised of a date on Friday night and a birthday party last night. The date was pretty much a disaster. It was a third date, so things had gone really well on the first two. We hit it off really well and have loads in common and he is a lovely guy and very sweet, even if he is a little shy. He hadn’t kissed me on the first two dates and if I hadn’t prompt him on the third date I doubt he would have made a move, if you can call it that. First of all he was late and didn’t bother letting me know until I was waiting around for a bit, second of all he drank a few pints while we had dinner and he talked about the same old same old. We didn’t have anything new to talk about, and all his stories started out with… When I was drunk… or some connotation of the phrase, not a good start. Also we talked about football and I told him I supported Man United which turned out to be a bad move as he supports Liverpool. For anyone not in the know people who support Man Utd don’t like people who like Liverpool and vice versa. It didn’t bother me one bit but seemed to bother him a lot… and I mean a lot. He even went as far saying that 5 years ago he would have probably walked out of the restaurant. Not good. He really didn’t like it even though he said it wasn’t really a problem. Then in the film he wouldn’t shut up. Then when we got out of the film he forgot that he would have to get home some how as we left the cinema at 12.45 after the trams stopped so I ended up taking him home. At which point he criticised my driving. When we finally got to his which was the other side of town, Hunters Bar area we said our goodnights and stuff and then he just sat there. It seemed like forever and in my head I was thinking either make a move or get out. I ended up having to say to him it’s ok to kiss me if you want to and then he said oh ok then.  Not good. I wish he hadn’t bothered as it was a bad kiss. No chemistry. No more dating. 

Bit bummed out really as he was all the kinds of things I wanted in a bloke, but it just turned into a disaster. 

Saturday was Fiona’s actual 30^th birthday which was a meal and sing star. It was so much fun and I got more than slightly pissed. I looked amazing though (I know I am blowing my own trumpet here but if I don’t then who will?) I curled my hair and put some lovely make up on and wore a skirt and top I haven’t been able to wear in a while but now I have lost some weight I can, so yeay!

On Saturday I was still annoyed about the whole date thing as when I got drunk I kept going on and on about it… Oops! I didn’t mean to. I am normally a smiley happy person but when I have a bee in my bonnet I really do have a bee in my bonnet. I was in a very reflective mood last night. I guess with the wedding and the bad date I was feeling very lonely, loss of hope kinda thing. It didn’t help that I was the only single one at the table either. Also, I found a grey hair!! With everything else that was going on it made me feel old. Old and alone which is not a good combination. I’ll be the first to admit that I care about my looks and I felt incredibly vain when I found the grey hair, like… I’m never going to find someone if I haven’t even got looks or youth on my side. Hopefully it wasn’t too much and my friends will forgive me. I am not usually like that, usually very giddy. 

I have to admit since passing my exam I am feeling a bit directionless… Like what now? For so long I have been working towards the goal of passing my exams and becoming a management accountant and I have achieved it. My job title is now management accountant and I have passed all my exams and I am in the process of applying for my letters after my name, ACMA. I’m feeling a little lost if I am honest. I have no more goals. I need to think of new ones. I’ve achieved my career goals before I am 30… Feels odd to be honest, like what now hehe. Also, personally, even though I don’t have a boyfriend right now I have achieved a lot their too. I have bought and sold a house, bought my own car, been engaged, lived with a bunch of boys, a bunch of girls, with my partner, on my own. I’ve travelled (not as much as I would like though), I have been in long term relationships, short term relationships, online relationship things, speed dating, had one night stands, drunken sex with a friend, holiday romance, flings, dating and been single. I’m losing weight, been to dance classes (even though I am still rubbish lol), learning a new language, learned how to be on my own and be independent, taken a few courses like IT. So… I’ve done loads, and yes there is more out there to do but I am a little lost on where to start again as I thought by now I would be doing the engaged thing and the marriage thing and the kids thing by now. I know I was engaged but that was when I was really young and it didn’t work out. This is when I pictured it would be happening, when I have lived my life a little first. This with the date and stuff I talked about earlier I was not in the happiest person in the world this weekend. I’m allowed an off day, no one can be perky 24/7, it’s just not possible. Just need to get my shit together again and I will. I know it. It’s just a little set back in Toni World. Besides… I need to think how I am going to spend my money when I get paid at the end of the month… Book a holiday somewhere maybe? I haven’t been away in a while due to job issues so I think I deserve it.

I’m sat here crying and I feel like such a fool. Last night I went out with a bunch of people I know and the guy that I had been seeing was out. I say had been seeing because after a few dates he stopped calling and totally disappeared on me. He totally blanked me and it was awful. I really liked this guy and I found out he was a total dick. Unfortunally for me I only found this out after we spent the night together. It’s the last time I make that mistake. Just feel like an idiot as I liked him so much. Wouldn’t have been so bad if it was only a one night thing on both our parts. He didn’t even have the guts to break it off, just stopped calling and stuff. Knob head! It’s one of the downsides of being single… Being screwed over! Well, lets consider it a lesson learnt.

It’s really confusing knowing who to trust, it’s a balancing act. Going for it and risking being cast aside again or being careful, too careful, and risk never meeting anyone.

It’s made me question a little if I am going to find someone. It’s hard really. I had a nice bloke, but it didn’t work out and I still don’t really know why, it just didn’t work and it wasn’t really anyone’s fault I don’t think. I guess I am just feeling a bit down and lonely.

The rest of the weekend was great. Night out on Friday as well, this time with work people. That was fun but I didn’t really know anyone so it was ok. Saturday night was a night out with friends which was much better, had far too much to drink but I wasn’t the worse person there. The days were pretty much uneventful. Shopping on Saturday and hanging out with mates on Sunday. All fun though.

Thing is, I have chipped a tooth too. Just happened today which is so annoying! So it means I have to go to the bloody dentist. I hate dentists but if I don’t go and have it fixed it will get worse and chip off completely! At the moment it feels weird and I am worried it will just chip off before I get it sorted. I’m not even registered anywhere anymore but my mum has told me of one back home that is registering new patients so I might have to go private to fix it but it will be worth it if it makes my smile stay pretty.

All this to worry about and I have my first day of my new work tomorrow. So trying to fit in a dentist appointment into my first week is going to be tricky, but it needs sorting so hopefully they will understand.

I can’t believe how much this Steve thing has actually upset me. I knew it was over before it even started kinda thing as he was being a total flake but seeing him and him ignoring me was awful. Then he was so all over someone else… Just grr. I could really do with a hug actually. I just feel like a fool. A good cry will sort me out. Is it so wrong to want a functioning relationship? I know I keep saying being single is fun and it is, most of the time. It’s fun because you think it will end at some point, but what if it doesn’t, what if I am actually one of the people that don’t get an happily ever after. Is it so much to ask to want a good relationship that actually works? I’m just feeling a bit lonely and vulnerable tonight I guess. I’m just sick of crying over blokes. I talked to my girlie mate and she says I’m lovely and wonderful etc. I can’t see it right this second as I am a bit of a blubbering mess but it will make me feel better tomorrow.

I have a date this week, I’m totally not in the mood for it after the events of today and am not feeling at my most confident. It’s all gone a bit wrong. At least it can’t get much worse. Onwards and upwards.

mood: frustrated

Today started off really bad to be honest. I couldn't be bothered to get out of bed so I lounged around until the last possible moment and was nearly late for work. At least I wasn't. I was on time, I beat the system!!

I threw away the plant James bought me yesterday. It was still alive surprisingly. The thing was only supposed to live for 3 to 6 months; it's been in my house over a year at least, if not longer. I was having a bit of a sort out and moving things round and didn't really want it anymore so in the bin it went, I kept the pot. Have no idea what I will use it for but I am sure I will have another use for it. It wasn’t a case of moving on or anything, purely a change thing. Had it for a while, replaced it with something new.

The evil woman at work was moaning again today, was well funny. I wonder why her husband puts up with her sometimes, I mean, I only work with her and have other people as a buffer and want to scream at her sometimes so the man must be a saint. She doesn't like me anyways so I usually get ignored which suits me fine! I let it all just wash over me generally and defiantly now that I am leaving in two days! Although it can grate sometimes.

While we are on the subject of work... The odd guy I sit next to is creeping on to my desk again. It started with one or two bits of paper this morning but later on in the day it was a whole pile. I feel like turning round to him and saying you want my whole desk mate cos I don't mind working on the floor! I don't expect anything else from him actually, as this is the guy that didn't want to share his phone as he didn't want to move it as everything was positioned very carefully on his desk in reaching distance so he didn't have to over stretch... Nerd alert!

I was asked if I wanted to go to the NHS Christmas party today. I said I was leaving on Friday so I wouldn't be around and was told it didn't matter I could still go. It was really nice to be asked by the girl organising it but out of the corner of my eye the evil woman was giving me evils. I said no, as I won’t be around and people will forget me etc, so I will pass, don't want to party with the evil woman anyway, she might poison my drink or something lol.

I'm having a bad hair day as well today. I look in the mirror and my hair looks a bit like straw. I washed it last night and dried it but I must have slept funny as my hair looks dishevelled. I tried to smooth it down and stuff but to no avail. So in the end I just left it, it'll do what it wants.

Oh yeah, been thinking about my hair style for the wedding too. I have a plan and just need to run it by my mate to make sure it doesn't look silly. I am having it half up and half down with a fascinator in it at the side and I am going to buy some little rose type clips to dot around my hair... Hope it looks pretty and not silly!

As you can probably tell not a lot happened today, hence the randomness of the blog. I had oodles of time at work to write stuff to keep me occupied. Then tonight when I got home I just re jigged a few bits and tada! A blog was posted.

My singing is back with more gusto than before. I start humming to myself anywhere and everywhere. To be honest I ain't bothered who hears either, I don't get embarrassed easily. I'm just happy and when I'm happy I hum and sing. Today I was doing it at work as I was waiting for my soup to warm up in the microwave and the cute work guy came in and giggled at me.

When I got home I opened the fridge and hit my foot with the corner of the door, very painful. I have just looked at my foot and I have a huge, and I mean massive, bruise on my foot. Painful much? It covers pretty much my whole foot. Hope it doesn’t hang about too long as I want to buy some pretty sandals! That is if it ever stops raining!

mood: horny

I did want to write this last night as I have had a couple of very cool days. One expected and the other not so expected. Both equally good in their own ways for various reasons. I was just so tired last night after AltonTowers and then going to my usual Monday night role play game that once I had uploaded my pictures from AltonTowers on to my laptop I was just so tired I went to bed. They didn't even get uploaded on to Facebook as I was wiped out. I really do do too much sometimes, but I wouldn't have it any other way really. I get bored way too easily, plus, I always feel like I am going to miss out on something. This is why I hate it when I have arranged something with someone and then something else happens on the same night off the cuff... I feel like I am missing out on something if I am not there, even if I am having a fantastic time doing whatever I am doing. I know I can’t be everywhere and do everything but I do get that sense of missing stuff... Is that just me? Am I being odd?

Anyways, Sunday! After I talked to my sister on Saturday she text me asking me to take her up to see my mum at the caravan as they were on holiday. So off we popped up the road to Knaresborough. It’s not far. As we pulled in the kids were playing and shouted to us as no one told them we were coming up. It was a really fun day. Went down to the river side and played on the little beach there and went paddling in the river, threw rocks in it too which was fun for some reason, who knows why. Just me my sister and the kids, it was nice to spend some time with them. We then went to the park where it promptly starting raining but we stayed anyway. My mum has made herself a little garden terrace thing near the caravan too and it looks exotic on the pictures we took, like we were somewhere sunny which was cool. It rained again but up there the trees sheltered us so while it rained we were still outside. It was nice, more quality time with the family. Also, me and my sis were spying on a very cute guy who was fishing in the river, we even borrowed my step dads binoculars at one point to get a better look. All in all a great day. The drive back was a bit rubbish though as I was very tired, not surprising when I had been running round after the kids all day.

Had a day off yesterday and it was one of the best days off in a while as I went to AltonTowers!! I am such a big kid and I don’t care who knows it! We got there really early and was in the park by 10.30, not bad going really. We went on all the big rides and only had to wait a maximum of 30 mins. While waiting we did the usual funny pictures thing which were promptly uploaded on facebook. I love the new uploader, so much quicker than I used to do it… took ages to up load pictures 5 at a time. I also increased my magnet collection as I got some pictures of us on the rides in magnet form. I am going to try and scan them for facebook but who knows if it will work!

So tired when I got home last night, I even fell asleep in the car on the way home. When I got back I rushed off to fit a mini session of DnD in. Mini because I was late but I had given loads of warning and said to start without me. I really ache today. I got battered by some of the rides and have a few rather large bruises.

After I put my pictures up though someone commented on one of them which was a bit of a nasty, which is unlike him. I don’t really want to repeat it as it upset me a lot to be honest because I wouldn’t have expected it of him. I’ve deleted them now and text him to say it was uncalled for but I’m still a bit hurt by it if I’m being honest. No need really.

In comparison today really sucks. However, it is my last week and now today is over I have three more days to go. Thing is, as I was off last week and yesterday I have only just got my timesheet signed which means I won’t get paid until next Monday now. Sucks a bit but that’s life. As well as being bored I got shouted at today for asking for help. How fucked up is that? Everyone says just give me a shout if you need help and I’d be happy to show you… But nooo!! It’s just annoying. They are supposed to provide us with copy invoices; I asked for a list of copy invoices and get shouted at. What the hell? Ah well, I’m leaving soon so who really gives a fuck!

I’ve been a bit naughty today, sending dirty text messages to a mate of mine from uni, he responded too which made it fun. That’s all it is, a bit of fun, but it cheered my day up so much!

Went shopping too to help my friend get a dress, but it didn’t work out, we left with underwear and jewellery but no dress… Better luck next time! I love shopping! I still need shoes, a strapless bra and a white shrug. Good job I like shopping!

mood: horny

Well this is the first blog update in a few days as I have been ill. No need to panic though as it wasn’t swine flu or anything bad, just a sickness bug, made me throw up a lot and that was about it. I even called the NHS direct line as the people at work were panicking about what it was and if they were at risk. Not worried about me just wanted to check it wasn’t swine flu and that they wouldn’t get it, which is typical of the place I work and I am glad I am leaving shortly. One more week to go, well 4 days really as I am going to AltonTowers on Monday! Yippee! Such a big kid!

Wednesday I came home at lunch time, I could have probably struggled through the rest of the day but I couldn’t really concentrate or focus on work so I just quit and left for the day. Good thing really as I came home and laid on the sofa and fell asleep. Felt loads better after that and even managed a work out. I thought I must have just been tired with not sleeping and stuff.

The next day I woke up feeling awful, called in sick and went to bed and didn’t get up until 12pm… Slacker! But I really needed it. Felt so much better in fact that I tried another workout. Man that was a bad idea! Started ok, did the little warm up and then started on the stretches but as I was doing them I felt a bit dizzy and then my ankle gave way and the next thing I knew I was on my ass. Decided to leave it at that and have a shower. Hobbled around for the rest of the day as I managed to hurt my ankle in the process. Started getting cabin fever though so I went to Meadowhall to get out of the house for a bit and have a bit of a walk. Ended up meeting a mate I’d not seen in a while and we went for a coffee. Oh my word I forgot how lovely he is. I’ve had a bit of a crush on him since I first met him, he’s very handsome and charming. Nothing every came of it as we were both with someone. When he left he gave me a hug and then asked me for a kiss, now before I tell you this I know I shouldn’t have as he is still with his bird but I gave him a peck on the lips. I actually feel a bit bad about it now and would never dream of taking it further. I want my own boyfriend, I don’t want to borrow someone else’s. I won’t lie though, him asking for a kiss boosted my ego. Thing is I am having trouble stopping thinking about him. It’s all a fantasy and I know it is so it will pass. It’s fun thinking about him though. On that front someone is in the process of setting me up with someone from his work which will be interesting. Even if it turns out to be just a few dates it should be fun. He’s in the process of getting pictures of both of us to show to the other person. What if he sees a picture of me and says no thanks… What a blow to the self confidence that would be! Try not to think of it *snaps fingers* Gone!

Friday was another none day. I slept for most of it and by the evening I was feeling loads better. However, I stayed in and watched DVDs, first time in what seems ages I have had a few quiet days like these. It’s nice as I get to recharge my batteries.

Today I feel great! I have done all the housework and done lots of exercise to make up for missing it when I was ill. Well not lots, just an extended session.

I also tried my dress for my mates wedding on again today and even tried out a few different hair styles. It’s so beautiful and I feel so pretty in it, and it’s a size smaller than my usual dress size. I think that’s one of the reasons I keep trying it on, to make sure it still fits! Very paranoid, I just wanna look good. It does make me smile when I put it on. If I am feeling down it will be a good pick me up!

Was all set for getting ready to go out to the cinema tonight when I got a text saying my mate was cancelling as he still hadn’t got over his hangover from Friday night. Perfect. I was all set for going out for a drink and catching up and a movie but it’s yet another evening in. Um… which DVD tonight? It’s not all bad, I’ve wanted a quiet weekend for a while and I have a busy few weekends ahead I think so I’m just going to sit back and enjoy it. Going to carry on with the pampering as well. I have a face mask, I’ll paint my nails, wax my legs and use my foot spa and use all the lovely bath/shower products people got me for Christmas and my birthday. All enjoyed with a glass of wine!

Actually that sounds so good I am off to start that now, bye!

mood: bored

Well, in comparison to recent events this is going to be a dull blog day in terms of things that have happened today. 

I really hate Tuesdays. They are so slow dull and boring, they are the worst work day ever and I was counting down the minutes until I could leave today. However, I did get to chat to the extremely cute guy at work! We exchanged emails over the course of the day and it’s got to some very friendly chat, with some flirting mixed in there. Every now and then the office has an office night out where, as you may have already guessed, the people office go out on the razz! I asked him if he was going and said he has something on on that night but is going to rearrange so he can go out… I take this as a good sign. I may be totally wrong here but I am going to look on the positive side.

Went to Meadowhall today to give my mate a second opinion on dresses as she was slightly frazzled about trying to find one to wear for her brothers wedding. She looks lovely in it and seemed very pleased she didn’t have to dress shop anymore. Job done. 

The rest of the evening was spent at home. Did a workout, played on the net and tidied up a little. Bit boring and dull by my standards. I did however try my dress on again… I love it! I would marry it if I could! 

To add to the painfulness of the day I had the silly Coke a Cola advert in my head # yeah yeah yeah, la la la # Shoot me now!

mood: ecstatic

What a crazy few days I’ve had! It’s been amazing and I don’t think I have stopped smiling since Thursday. Ok, we will take this one step at a time.

Thursday I got my results, I passed my last exam, no more exams!! Then, later on, was the first of my second interviews, bearing in mind I had already had one the pervious day. That went really well! I had a good feeling about it and it turned out I was right. At lunch time on Friday I got a call offering me the job from the previous day. Unfortunately the offer was too low and with the other interview in a few hours I told the agency that I wanted to think about it and in all honesty the salary was too low and that if they came back with X amount I’d take it.

Went on the interview as planned, shone with brilliance as per usual. (Trust me, you will see later on) After my interview I got another call from the agency from the first interview offering me the salary I asked for! SCORE! I tried to play it cool but I pretty much accepted it there and then!

Passed my exams and got a job all in the space of two days!

Friday night was Harry Potter at the cinema which was cool; trying to park there in a Friday night was not cool!

Saturday was shopping with my mum and then two separate birthdays… Shopping was fun but very tiring and expensive, my mum managed to convince me to buy some stuff I probably done without but all the things I bought were very nice! Don’t ask how I managed to attend both birthdays but I did and was glad I didn’t let anyone down.

Sunday was my favourite day of the weekend. I didn’t see anyone and barely did anything, it was fantastic! I haven’t had a day like that for AGES! I went food shopping and then went to try and find a dress for my mates wedding… Absolute nightmare. Gave up went home and watched Back to the Future instead! It was a good day though, really relaxing… Although I admit to properly cleaning the bathroom from top to bottom and felt really good for doing it.

All in all it was an amazing weekend and I pretty much didn’t stop smiling all weekend. I had the best night’s sleep ever on Friday. I could finally stop worrying about things and switch off. I woke up in such a good mood on Saturday. Embarrassing confession time! I found myself singing in the shower over the weekend. I’ve not done that in ages I don’t think. No particular reason, just singing a lot of different bits of different songs. It was a very odd collection. I guess I am just happy again. As I say I haven’t done it for a while.

The amazingness of the weekend trickled into today. I lost 3 pounds this week! Whoop! A whole 3 pounds! I was so happy; I smiled all the way home. Also, I bought a dress for Karl’s wedding! It’s so pretty and I look good in it… I actually think I look good which in itself is amazing! I really wanted to go shopping with my friend but she couldn’t so I ventured out alone in the wilderness that is Meadowhall, I was lost and alone and scared! But I survived and triumphed with an amazing purchase and even managed to swing some money off it. Now I need a shrug or a wrap and shoes… I think the transformation from Tom Boy when I was a kid into a girlie girl is now finally complete!

mood: crazy

I didn't mention yesterday that James text me about my results. He saw it on facebook and wanted to congratulate me. I didn't want to detract anything away from how great I felt about my results. To be honest I didn't feel anything when he text me. I saw his name on my phone and was like I wonder why he has text me, not the ooo James has text me or good god what does he want. When I read it it was just nice that he text to say congratulations as he knows how hard I have worked for it. I usually feel the need to text him straight back but yesterday I had just come out of an interview and wanted to get home and thought it can wait. So no dread and fear of impending doom and no giddy and excitement, maybe I'm fixed and back to normal. Hang on a sec, lets not get carried away here! I text him back with thanks and a little note on my reactions because he was there when I opened my last set of results and I was jumping around then too.

The question is, do I get back in touch with him? I would like to chat as friends as I would like to see if he is ok and how his house is coming along or even if it is finished at last! I think I would feel slightly foolish if he didn’t get back to me so I will probably leave it and wait to hear on the grapevine.

Another interview this afternoon... That's three in a row! I need a break, there are only so many hours I can talk about the wonder that is me!

mood: ecstatic

I totally didn't realise I would be getting my results today until a mate of mine asked me if I had passed. I logged onto hotmail and sure enough there it was in my inbox. The little email that would either make me happy all day or totally miserable. I sat there staring at it for ages and read all my other email first. Then it was the last one, quickly opened it and scanned down the page until I found that one little magic word PASS. No word of a lie I jumped round the office and did the victory arm pump!! I was that excited. It's not a surprise as all the other CIMA exams I have passed has lead to the same reaction! After that nothing could put me in a bad mood! Plus the horrible woman from work is off today and tomorrow... Score!

It's such a relief knowing that I don’t have to register and sit another exam in November! I'm free!!

I had a coffee at work to celebrate and I bounced off the walls a little for the rest of the day, however, that might not have been the caffeine just pure excitedness! Who knows... It's not like I am going to be doing any scientific experiments to find out or anything!

The rest of the day was pretty much a blur until my interview. Just got on with work and enjoying the peace and quiet in my head knowing I am free of exams!

I totally rocked the interview. So it’s now down to whether they liked me enough to hire me or if there was someone else a little bit more experienced than me. All I can do is sit back, fingers crossed and enjoy the weekend.

I felt sorry for Andy today, we started game late and when we did actually play we were easily distracted and to top it all off I was having a few celebratory alcoholic drinks so was even giddier than usual!

All in all this week has kinda rocked, even with a bit of a rant mid week. What’s a week without a rant? A boring one that’s what!

I do however feel a bit guilty for being so happy at the moment as a mate of mine seems to be going through a tough time again. I am there for him as much as possible but there is only so much you can say or do in a situation like that. I am there for him if he needs to talk and I’ve told him that so hopefully I help. Even if it is only to cheer him up for a few hours when we go out and make him laugh.